Changes

Courtesy of Pinterest
Freya’s Tears (Golden Tears)

Yesterday, I was talking with a friend about how I remember myself and my high school friends. I wonder if all people after 60 years of age begin to visit the past with some passion. I can see my high school friends as they were then and remember a specific outfit or snippet of time we were together. Emotions felt during those times flood back and it all seems like yesterday.

I used to swim every day in the summer somehow. I coached a swim team my senior year of high school with my best friend. I remember the freedom of the water and the sun. Nothing helped one sleep more than a day swimming and sunning. It was almost impossible to be unhappy! Sometimes I am transported to those days and it is difficult to come back to the reality of today.

My friends are still beautiful, but we all are suffering with our own burdens now. Illness, broken relationships; broken lives for some. We cling together to support each other through those times. Yes, there is also happiness. Successful, loving children, successful careers, beloved pets, lovely houses, and inner peace have been obtained by many. There are those who believe they have come to a place of acceptance. Perhaps they have.

For me, I am sadly nostalgic for those carefree, sun-filled days at present. I miss the youth the memories represent. I miss the opportunity to make better choices at some junctures of my life. I miss the friends I made over the years with whom I lost touch thinking we would cross paths again and never did. I miss my father who passed almost eleven years ago. I remember him so clearly and all of the times we spent in each other’s company. I appreciated him while he was alive, but now I cannot be with him I realize what a whole it left in my life when he died.

Unlike a few months ago, I am not severely depressed thinking about these things, but the memories are like old friends that keep me occupied and happy as if I am experiencing that phase of my life for brief periods of time.

On the Other Side of Cancer

7 Rules Of Life, motivational poster print – zingydecor
Credit this to Pinterest

I had my follow up CT scan and visit with the radiation oncologist. The cancer is gone! Follow up will be in October with another scan and that time. I am so glad I changed physicians! If anyone doubts a second opinion is wise, let my case serve as an example. It is always wise.

So, after months of feeling so beat down and depressed, I am beginning to regain my positive attitude and outlook. I will be honest, after 12 or more years of stability on medication for bipolar II disorder, this whole cancer thing threw me for a loop. It has been a roller coaster with my mood swings and changing medications to try to find something that would help. Finally, I feel better.

Among the things I have done the last month or so, I have seen all of the seasons of Stranger Things. My daughter has encouraged me to watch this series for a year and I did not do so until this month. OMG! Love it. Now my husband and are into season II of the Handmaid’s Tale. I read the Margaret Atwood book many years ago and loved it. I just could not imagine a series about it thought. It seems the series is true in nature to the book and the author is a collaborator with the writers of the series. At this point, I could slap Offred…..

I have written more poetry than I have in years during this latest dark time and hope to continue this. I enjoy the challenges because it gives me a direction to go with my writing and creativity. Reading others posts on blogs makes me happy. I love connecting to others through their writing.

Thanks to all of my blogging world friends who have been so supportive and encouraging. I cannot say how much this has meant to me. I feel I can now again enjoy life and that is a superb feeling.