Changes

Courtesy of Pinterest
Freya’s Tears (Golden Tears)

Yesterday, I was talking with a friend about how I remember myself and my high school friends. I wonder if all people after 60 years of age begin to visit the past with some passion. I can see my high school friends as they were then and remember a specific outfit or snippet of time we were together. Emotions felt during those times flood back and it all seems like yesterday.

I used to swim every day in the summer somehow. I coached a swim team my senior year of high school with my best friend. I remember the freedom of the water and the sun. Nothing helped one sleep more than a day swimming and sunning. It was almost impossible to be unhappy! Sometimes I am transported to those days and it is difficult to come back to the reality of today.

My friends are still beautiful, but we all are suffering with our own burdens now. Illness, broken relationships; broken lives for some. We cling together to support each other through those times. Yes, there is also happiness. Successful, loving children, successful careers, beloved pets, lovely houses, and inner peace have been obtained by many. There are those who believe they have come to a place of acceptance. Perhaps they have.

For me, I am sadly nostalgic for those carefree, sun-filled days at present. I miss the youth the memories represent. I miss the opportunity to make better choices at some junctures of my life. I miss the friends I made over the years with whom I lost touch thinking we would cross paths again and never did. I miss my father who passed almost eleven years ago. I remember him so clearly and all of the times we spent in each other’s company. I appreciated him while he was alive, but now I cannot be with him I realize what a whole it left in my life when he died.

Unlike a few months ago, I am not severely depressed thinking about these things, but the memories are like old friends that keep me occupied and happy as if I am experiencing that phase of my life for brief periods of time.